Author Archives: Lorraine Reep

Nov9

I’m Seeing Red and It’s Not What You Think

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Mom, do you remember when you were awaiting the arrival of your babies? There were months to prepare and everyone was waiting with excited anticipation. Showers celebrated the impending arrival of your blessing; new clothing was washed in that amazing Dreft detergent and folded and placed at the ready in a lovingly prepared nursery. The arrival of a child is a blessed and joyous event that should be celebrated.

When the call comes, foster parents have little time to prepare. Until that moment, they have no idea of age, gender, size or situation. In a matter of minutes or hours the child will arrive, likely with nothing more than the clothing on their backs, sometimes in the middle of the night, confused and possibly fearful.

May I share the arrival story of my second granddaughter? A case worker called – this is the official announcement that you’re “expecting”. The baby was being discharged from the NICU. In a matter of hours, a very sick, very tiny baby was delivered to her new home. There was no time for preparation except in the heart of a woman who heard the specific call for this child and said “yes”.

Foster moms go into nesting mode from zero to sixty with that call. And often, they are on their own. If they’ve been at it for a while, they likely have a network they can mobilize. Sadly, that network is mostly other fostering families.

It’s not the same. I get that. But what if we, as a community of believers…the CHURCH, got serious about this issue? What if we said ENOUGH? What if rather than getting bent out of shape about a disposable cup we took up the cause of the orphan?StarbucksCup

In the United States over 250,000 children enter foster care each year. That number is staggering. While not every family can or will foster, the statistics tell that if one family in one church out of every three churches were to welcome one child into their home, there would be no child waiting.

I wish I could just lay my heart bare. Words are supposed to do that, but I am better at telling a story than championing a cause. As best as I can tell it, this is what I want you to hear, dear reader. What if that that one family out of those three churches had an army of people around them? What if when a mama posted a status update about needing a toddler bed, instead of sending links to beds for sale on Craig’s List that same team of people found a bed and delivered it to that home where everyone is in prep mode?

I never knew. I had no idea. I thought those people were super heroes and I admired how they had it together and managed so well. I ignored the fact that I could should be a part of the story. I freely admit that I only became part of this amazing story because of my daughter and son-in-law.

But regardless of my failure to walk in it, this was not written for one family in one church out of three, my friends:

Pure and undefiled religion before God the Father is this: to care for orphans and widows in their misfortune and to keep oneself unstained by the world. James 1:27 NET

So, dear reader, if you are still with me, and if that verse is speaking to your heart, let’s get on with it.

There are ways to touch the lives of children in foster care even beyond becoming a foster parent. I was going to give you a nice, neat bulleted list, but I just deleted all of it (I hope I don’t regret that in a minute!). What if we got to know them by spending time, asking questions and then reacting and responding as needed out of our abundance and with the conviction that these children ARE our responsibility?

Further, what about the church? What is her role in supporting fostering and adoptive families? It’s not enough to celebrate Orphans Day one Sunday in November (if your church even did – mine didn’t but that’s my fault).

Under the authority of the very Word of God, churches must provide tangible support for families who pursue a calling in fostering and/or adoption:

  • Put in place supports that will allow the families to maintain their current level of involvement in the church
  • Make sure you are ready to welcome special needs children into the various ministries for babies, children and teens
  • Make church the easiest place to navigate with a large family
  • Grief counseling (fostering involves loss)

Fostering is a delicate dance. For good reasons foster families take lots of things one day at a time. And ironically, that’s how love grows. One day at a time. And sometimes, that little girl who was discharged from the NICU becomes my granddaughter.

EllieHosp

The Book says it more than once. I’m only sorry that I am so very late to this amazing dance.

Learn to do right; seek justice.
Defend the oppressed.[a]
Take up the cause of the fatherless;
plead the case of the widow.
Isaiah 1:17

Nov2

Relationship Status Update

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girl-925284_1280I was having coffee with a friend. We were sitting outside, enjoying a beautiful fall evening and one another’s company. In the course of conversation, I mentioned a picture and grabbed my phone to share it. I was immediately distracted by notifications and actually lost my train of thought (what WAS I looking for?). I wish I could say that was an isolated incident. Not even close.

Riding in the car with my hubby, the radio is always loud. His philosophy is that if the music is too loud, you are too old. While he is always willing to turn the volume down and listen to my chatter, I have recently taken to pulling out my phone when we are riding together. Before I know it, I’ve been perusing status updates, checking email and twitter and browsing Pinterest far too long and I have no idea where we are or have been. Next to reaching our destination, my favorite part of any trip is the journey. Lately I’ve been missing too much of the journey.

Sunday mornings are the best; coffee at home from a real cup and leisurely breakfast with my hubby before church. Recently we slept in. The extra rest was much needed but we were a bit rushed. After a quick breakfast I hurried to get ready. In record time we were on our way. Settling into a chair in our small group, I reached for my phone to turn the volume off. It wasn’t in my purse. My chest tightened—I was anxious. I learned later that I was suffering from nomophobia – the fear of being out of mobile phone contact (really, it’s an actual thing now). If you think I’m exaggerating, try separating from your phone, even for a short time.

Hubby quickly offered to run home to retrieve it, but I declined. Honestly, it is rare for me to get a call or text on Sunday morning. And my children know that the parents are together, so they would reach out to dad if mom didn’t answer. But what if there was a need to research a term during class or locate lyrics from a worship song (I actually do this)? What if something in the service was awesome and I wanted to share a picture on Facebook or Instagram? I felt the anxiety of losing connection – to my people (although a lot of them were in the room with me) and to information. The truth is, absent that instant connection to the WORLD, I was actually present in MY world—100% engaged, fully focused on the people and happenings aound me that morning. It was refreshing.

AdultBinkyAll of this led me to an article in the Huffington Post referencing a study from Iowa State University. You can read it here but the key for me is the scientific test attached to the article. I took it. I am embarrassed to share my score, but I will admit that I have a problem that implies serious FOMO. I am a smartphone junkie and as a result, I am distracted in almost everything I do. Reading a book? Phone within reach. Having dinner/coffee/walk with friends or family? Phone is a third wheel. Even at work, my phone is in my sight, although I don’t take it into meetings (don’t get me started on the madness of people in a meeting checking their phones). Watching TV with the hubs? Phone right next to me.

Worse than my constant connection is the tether (implied and perhaps more me than them) that gives everyone I know instant access to me, with an expectation of immediate response.

I was a child in the 60’s. We had one phone in our little home and it hung on the wall in the living room. Most of my married life was the same. When we were away from home, we were out of touch. When we took a vacation we made sure the people who NEEDED to know had emergency contact information and we truly “checked out” for a period of time.

Today we have information at our fingertips and instant access to people. We follow “friends” on Facebook (I have almost 600 and I bet you have lots more), most of whom we would never take the time to sit with over coffee. Why? Because we don’t have that much time! And yet, I scroll through status updates and see the highlight reel of their lives, and often get the feeling that I’m missing something. All the while, I’m likely sitting with or near a real, live person with whom I desperately need to connect. I recently took one of those Facebook tests, this one to analyze how many hours I spent on Facebook in the last year. I have no idea the accuracy, but I was mortified when it returned 907 HOURS. That’s an average of two and a half hours a day. Lord help.

I am struggling with this, friends. There are so many things I love about social media. But I am feeling and hearing this more and more from others: I have hundreds of connections but few I can count on. Sobering, but for many that is reality.

I have been thinking a lot about Jesus and his friendships. He had a few close friends…three to be exact. Those were the men he poured his life into – they hung out a lot and they worked together. I imagine that on any given day, they knew one another’s whereabouts. They knew about the struggles and the triumphs of one another’s lives. They were in the trenches together and had each other’s backs. They were tight.

Then there were the twelve, and even among those he had a doubter, a denier and a double-crosser. Jesus’ life and ministry touched the masses at times, but he spent his time with a few. He poured his life into even fewer.

I’m beginning to think these last ten years of my life, as I’ve added to my friends list and spread myself thin among relationships, that I’ve been totally off course. While I hope that I can occasionally touch the masses, I’m looking at his example for friendship. I want a few friends who will show up; friends who come in my back door and know the sodas and water bottles are in the garage fridge. I want to be the friend that will change from PJ’s to clothes to meet you because you really, really need to talk. I want to be the friend who takes the time to sit with you in the ER, and cries with you when tragedy touches your life.

And the thing is, we have limited capacity: physically, emotionally and spiritually. I know this because I’ve been disappointed and I’ve disappointed others. I’ve grieved lost jobs and lost kids alone. I’ve known there was a need in a friend’s life but I just didn’t have anything left in me to join them.

Perhaps this has resonated with you. Did you sense a little anxiety as you read? I wish I could tell you I’ve got this, but I am working on it. I’ve begun intentionally spending less time with my virtual connections and intend to return my focus to the people who are part of my inner circle. I’m putting some distance between myself and my smartphone, especially when there are “real” people in my vicinity. I’ve already left home without my phone again, and I’m happy to report the anxiety was much lower!

If you made it this far, here’s a treat for you!  Isn’t this just gorgeous? It was last fall, on my cousins pontoon boat. The only thing we did with cell phones that evening was take some pictures.  Precious time spent with people I love.

StJoe

I would love to hear your perspective and insight. Talk to me by leaving a comment below.

Oct27

To Everything There is a Season

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There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:

 A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.

Ecclesiastes 3

IMG_7704

We have been in the Pacific Northwest for a few days. And this week, pictures will have to speak of the beauty and the sorrow that are all mingled together in my soul. It’s fitting that leaves are falling from the trees, like brilliant tears that will leave the branches naked and exposed. Our souls can feel like that – like a cold wind has blown through and left us empty.

But there is beauty even in the falling away.  The trees have worked all summer producing energy; the shorter and cooler days of fall signal the approach of winter and the end of work for a season. As I linger for one last look at the brilliant color and watch as the leaves are falling quickly, the promise of rest is near.

 Leavesatfeet

Oct19

Wisdom, Grace and Two Moms

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child-917367_1920I close my eyes, and in my mind I bury my face in his hair – soft and fragrant, long brown tendrils with blonde tips brushed on by the very hand of God. This baby, becoming a boy, just learning words for the things he loves and wants. Mama, he says, and milk…that boy loves his milk. And with every thought my chest tightens and I choke back sobs over the unknown. What if? I want to trust you, Lord, and I do…but I fear this decision left to a man. And so, I’m here again, reconciling faith and fear. I need a word, a reminder that you have this little one secure in your grip, and his mama too.

And there it is…

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe. ~Proverbs 29:25~

We won’t fear one man’s decision, for we trust you, Lord.

I wrote those words in January. It was the day that our daughter and her husband would appear in court to make their plea for adoption of a child they had fostered since he was a few weeks old. Until a few weeks before, it seemed that this little one was intended for them. Our family loved him deeply and we all had hoped he would become part of our forever family. But now his relatives were also pleading their case for adoption and a judge would rule. I can’t fully explain the agony of waiting; I prayed as I worked and when the text came, I was devastated. In few words, the message was relayed. “We lost him.”

What am I supposed to do with this, Lord? And I remembered: Trust me.

In a very short time, it became apparent that God, the loving, compassionate, perfect Father, was doing a miraculous work in the lives of two families. I will never forget the text:

“He’s going to be okay, Mom. They love Jesus too.”

And then two mothers, who both loved a child with ferocity, chose peace. They chose the welfare of a child over their disappointment, anxiety and rights; together they slew so many negatives in the process – jealousy, bitterness, fear…all defeated with one choice. The families lived together for a week, focusing on reducing the stress of transition for the little one. They stood together before a judge, celebrating adoption. The families shared a meal to celebrate. And then it was time for this little boy to leave with his new family. They boarded a plane and returned home.

In 1 Kings I read about two mothers who lived in the same house. Although a baby was born to each, one was lost. In her anguish, the grieving mother claimed the other woman’s child. They appeared before Solomon, each arguing her case. In his wisdom, the king suggested that the child be cut in two, giving each woman one half. The woman who objected was immediately recognized by Solomon as the mother. She cared more for the baby’s well-being than for her loss.

That is when I knew that the story of these women should be written down. Two mothers, one child. In this story, they had mutual purpose: the well-being of a child they both wanted to call their own.

Yesterday those families stood together again. This time it was in a church, not a courtroom. They stood before a pastor, not a judge. The foster parents became the Godparents; they pledged to remember this child in their prayers, to give counsel and aid in the true knowledge and worship of God. They promised to stand in the gap in the event he loses his parents and to place in his hands the holy Word of God, all so that he may grow up to lead a Godly life to the praise and honor of Jesus Christ.

Everyone in Israel was amazed when they heard how Solomon had made his decision.
They realized that God had given him wisdom to judge fairly.
1 Kings 3:28

And everyone who heard was amazed when they heard how these families walked together in love. They realized that God had given them wisdom and grace for this very thing.

To God be the glory.

Oct12

A Spiritual Legacy ~ Never Underestimate the Impact of a Mother’s Faith

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“Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.”

~ Mother Teresa~

For a few years I’ve been meeting weekly with some other women for Bible study. There is no study guide and really, no teacher. Throughout the week we read independently, using journaling to respond and make notes of key verses. It’s been amazing to camp out in a chapter for a few days, reading and rereading, comparing translations and investigating commentator’s notes. I’ve already shared in last week’s post how this has kindled a love for the Word in my heart.

Provider Journaling

Over the summer, I read Ruth and this was a great reminder of God’s provision.

I recently discovered the wonderful craft of Bible journaling. I’ve searched around

the internet and found some amazing blogs by people who have become Bible artists. I have zero talent for drawing and painting but I love to work with color and I can trace and copy pretty well. I find inspiration and encouragement from sites where others who are also not artists have taken up coloring in their Bibles. I love adding this dimension to my notes and sometimes I get carried away and end up with a bit of a mess, but I love that it encourages me to let passages simmer in my heart and intentionally respond to them.

Perhaps you are wondering why the obsession with writing and adding colorful words and pictures to the pages of my Bible. I’m 61 years old, and while I hope there are many years left in me, I’m more aware every day of my mortality and the reality that life is uncertain. I long to leave a legacy for my family. I want them to have reminders and reassurance of my faith and confidence in God and the promise of eternity. Recently I’ve discovered precious reminders, left by my mother, that helped me realize it was her who started me on a path toward my relationship with Christ.

I grew up Catholic. While my siblings and I all experienced the sacraments of first Missal 2Holy Communion and confirmation, there was a falling away from the church before I reached junior high. I’m not sure exactly what happened, but I recall that my mother was hurt and in defense, she pulled back. Going to mass as a family and observing holy days was a thing of the past, but I have very vivid memories of my mom’s continued devout faith. As long as I can remember, she owned and cherished a Catholic missal, a liturgical book containing the prescribed prayers, instructions, and chants for the celebration of Mass. When family members passed away she would slip a memorial card or obituary into the pages for safekeeping and prayer. Today that book is in my possession. It has great value to me as it did to my mother. To her, it was the familiar, the comforting words of the Mass she had grown up with. For me, it is an icon, treasured by her and reminiscent of her faith in God.

When I began dating my husband we attended church with his family at a local Baptist congregation where I eventually became a member. Only as I’ve grown older have I appreciated how my Mother grieved over my decision to pursue another denomination. However, I know (and it comforts me that I believe she realized it as well) that it was her faith that first pointed me to God. While I follow a different faith tradition today, the deep roots of my desire to know God and to be in a right relationship with Him are borne out of her example of faith and determination to lead her children to God.

My brother passed away last year. As family members made preparation for his memorial, I began to sift through a bin of photos and other items that were gathered from my parents’ home after Daddy died. As I sorted and searched for pictures of Steve, I ran across a small certificate commemorating my first Communion. It was fhc 2one of very few items other than photos that were there. With six children, stuff tends to get lost or destroyed before it fhc 1can be safely tucked away. But there it was. I turned it over in my hands, thinking of how long it had been there, waiting for the day that I would come across it and finally realize that it was my mother who first pointed me to the Father.

I love having the Bible on my iPad and better yet, on my phone! When I’m studying, one of my favorite tools is viewing the passage in side by side translations on https://www.biblegateway.com/. But as I’ve thought about leaving a legacy of my love for the Word of God, I’ve come to the conclusion that my notes on a device won’t last like they will on the pages of the study Bible that lays open on my desk, surrounded by pens, washi tape, stickers and paint. As I highlight and illustrate and record my responses to the Living Word, I pray that even when I’m gone they will encourage and remind my children of their mother’s faith. As clumsy and awkward as it is, it’s legitimate.

My Baptism Day - my mom is on the far left.

My Baptism Day – my mom is on the far left.

Confirmation Day

Confirmation Day – my mother made my dress, but it’s hidden under the robe.

Oct5

For the Love of Jen Hatmaker

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FortheLoveCoverFor the love….the whole world seems to have gone Jen Hatmaker crazy and for good reason. If you’ve not read anything else by her (for the love, why not???) you must get your hands on a copy of her latest book, For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards. I would demand that you not put it down until you’ve finished, but this is a fact…you won’t want to.

There was a song back in the early ‘80s called “I Was Country When Country Wasn’t Cool”. Catchy tune and one that I am reminded of now. You see, I discovered Jen Hatmaker before it was cool to know her. Several years ago hubby and I were hosting a bunch of newly married couples in our home on Sunday evenings. After we spent several weeks talking marriage we really wanted to challenge the group. I went searching around the internet for something that might do. I discovered a YouTube video for a book study and there she was, in her white peasant blouse and signature long earrings, talking about giving up her prized cowboy boots and walking out of church barefoot in the freezing cold. That was the beginning of my obsession friendship with Jen, and I was all “We HAVE to do this”! And because my husband doesn’t really like to search the web for anything other than stuff to buy on Ebay trusts my discernment, we did the study and it challenged our hearts and we had many wonderful evenings of sharing how a barefoot church might look. That study was Interrupted: When Jesus Wrecks Your Comfortable Christianity. They’ve recently released a new, updated version but I can’t imagine how it could be improved. Life. Changer.

Jen H Books

Notice the dog-eared cover. I’ve read it more than once and I’ve loaned it out several times. This is one you will want to have in paperback – no E-book!

From there I was hooked. I went on Amazon and bought a copy of everything she had written to date. Next life changer from her heart to mine was The Modern Girls Guide to Bible Study. It was as if the woman had been riding in my car, listening as I talked to myself (and sometimes even to Jesus) about how frustrated I was with my inability to read and understand the Bible. I was over studies written by authors with contrived questions that would lead me to the same conclusions as them and for the first time in my adult life I wasn’t teaching a Bible class so I had no structured guide to exploring the Scriptures. I wanted the Word to speak to my heart. I decided to adopt her approach of reading the Bible a new way so that the words of LIFE would become my life.

That was four years ago. I’ve filled a couple of journals, and better yet, I’ve got my tribe of young moms coming with me on this journey through Scripture. I can honestly say that through this approach I’ve come to love the word of God. I spent over forty years following Christ, but never really mastering getting into the Bible and consistently hearing from Him. Sad, and a little embarrassing to admit, but true. If you are in the place that I found myself, earnestly desiring to hear from God, I recommend you read this one. I went from loving and respecting the book that’s called the Bible to loving the very words of God within that book.

Out of the Spin Cycle CoverJen, if you ever read this, can I just say thank you for that devo you did for moms called Out of the Spin Cycle: Devotions to Lighten Your Mother Load? Our little Bible study group goes all “summer book club” in June and we read that together a couple of years ago. We laughed and cried and agreed that every new mom should get this book at her baby shower…and then reconsidered and decided that might be premature. There is so much honesty it just might scare her! This is one of those that you deliver to that mom who is in the midst of the struggle, thinking she is the only one:

“Motherhood triggers something that went dormant about the time we left middle school. We’re seeded with this desire to be thought well of, to be admired, to be affirmed in our hard work as moms. We tend to report our babies sleeping longer than they do, our discipline as working more often that it does, and our systems as creating some efficient home that doesn’t exist. We are masters at propping up our lives, spinning a thread of truth into an elaborate tapestry of grandeur–when in fact, during young motherhood most of us live in what my girlfriend Loren calls a “poop storm”.”[i]

Read it, then gift it to a mom friend who is overwhelmed…and be thankful for the honesty (she confesses the time she told her son, who had just opened a sassy mouth, to grab a shovel and start digging his own grave), the humor and the truth within the pages. In these forty devotions, she shares stories from her journey of mothering along with thought-provoking questions and honest, practical steps out of the spin cycle. If I had read this back in the seventies, I would have been a better mom and friend to other moms, I’m sure of it. Of course, Jen was a baby when I was raising children, but you know what I mean…

And back to where we started…For the Love. Jen covers it all in this one, from fashion and family to recipes and the church. I love my church, but all of my life I’ve struggled to know where I fit. Jen’s affirmation of women and the kingdom is spot on:

“God is unveiling women around the world. He always has and continues to work through women and girls, who are half of His church. They are, like men and boys, His image bearers. They are also, like men and boys, gifted, empowered, smart, and anointed.”[ii]

And this…this has much to do with why I’m now posting a blog. Every. Week.

“Say yes to that thing. Work with a mentor. Stop minimizing what you are good at and throw yourself into it with no apologies. Do you know who will do this for you? No one. You are it. Don’t bury that talent, because the only thing fear yields is one dormant gift in a shallow grave. How many trot out that tired cliché—“I’m waiting for God to open a door”—and He is all, “I love you, but get going, pumpkin, because usually chasing the dream in your heart looks surprisingly like work. Don’t just stand there, bust a move.” (God often sounds like Young MC.) You are good at something for a reason. God designed you this way, on purpose.”[iii]

Are you tired of trying to live a balanced life? What IS that supposed to look like, anyway?

“Balance. It’s like a unicorn; we’ve heard about it, everyone talks about it and makes airbrushed T-shirts celebrating it, it seems super rad, but we haven’t actually seen one. I’m beginning to think it isn’t a thing.

Here is part of the problem, girls; we’ve been sold a bill of goods. Back in the day, women didn’t run themselves ragged trying to achieve some impressively developed life in eight different categories.”[iv]

Yes, Jen, a thousand times yes. So, trust me on this. You have to read it. If I cited every quote that spoke to me I’d have to pay her royalties and besides, the book has a great cover.  Just buy it and you can thank me later.

When I got to the end of For the Love, I saw that list of the 500 launch team members and I grieved. You see, 500 people were chosen to form a launch team for this book, seeking authentic endorsements from real people. I so wanted to be in that number, rather than the #4500 (the rest of the applicants who were not selected) where I landed. But grace is a beautiful thing, and I forgive you and your publishers, Jen, for not selecting me. Now that I have a blog and I’m a writer and everything….maybe next time. Because, for the love, why not?

After all of this, surely you can see that I AM her BFF. If you want to challenge me on that, I’m going to need someone to hold my earrings…..

[i] Out of the Spin Cycle: Devotions to Lighten your Mother Load – Jen Hatmaker

[ii] For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards – Jen Hatmaker

[iii] For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards – Jen Hatmaker

[iv] For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards – Jen Hatmaker

Sep28

I’ve Got to Find Those Keys!

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I’ve Got to Find Those Keys!

I spent the weekend with a group of younger women, some of them half my age. I  have to admit it has been while since I was doing anything at 2 a.m. other than possibly making a sleepy trek to the bathroom. It was so much fun!

It was a “Key Women” retreat, a time to renew and refresh commitments to be and be surrounded by women who, as Ann Voskamp puts it, “free you to be your best you, your unbound you, your beautiful you”. There was a lot of laughter and a few tears.

As I looked around the room I was overwhelmed by the power of what I witnessed. These were diverse women: an attorney, state at home moms, an administrator, and teachers…some are fashionistas and others are most comfortable in yoga pants and t-shirts.

Some struggle with perfectionism and others are comfortable with a sink full of dishes and piles of waiting laundry. Introverts and extroverts, melancholy and sanguine and more.

How can a group of women, so diverse, so different from one another in many ways, love each other at this level?

It began with a choice to stop “holding one another to a standard of perfection instead of letting us all be held by His arms of grace.”[i] (Ann says it so well…take a few minutes to read her post, referenced below)

They’ve decided to release and free one another to be the best and most real version of who God has designed them to be.

It doesn’t matter if they stand at a sink or sit at a screen, spend their days with children or in a courtroom; whether they occupy a cubicle, the corner office or the driver’s seat of a minivan; each one has a unique calling and giftedness.

They won’t judge one another for their housekeeping, design choices, parenting skills, size of their waist or the style of their hair.

I wasn’t there to speak or lead. I was just their mentor, at a very different place in my life. I am amazed by what I see God doing in them, individually and collectively.

My generation was expected to perform with perfection. Perfect walk, perfect home, perfect marriage. The mentors in my life encouraged striving toward clean homes, clean children, clean cars and clean living. It was exhausting and impossible. I felt the sting of criticism rather than open arms of grace.

These women are encouraging one another to become rather than do. They are liberating one another from self-doubt, self-pity and self-loathing. They are encouraging one another to let Christ be real in them.

They are women who have chosen to clothe themselves with love and do the hard work of cultivating relationships that go deep and require looking at women with eyes of love and compassion rather than through lenses of criticism and judgment.

Do you have key women in your life? How are you encouraging them? What have they brought to your life that has helped release you from the bondage of perfectionism and performance?

Praying you’ll find your keys.

 

 

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way. – Colossians 3:12-17

 

[i] http://www.aholyexperience.com/2014/07/how-women-can-stop-judging-each-other-a-movement-of-key-women/

Sep21

On Super Women and the Power of Love

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super-powers

In the 80’s hubby and I were right in the middle of raising our daughters when the blockbuster “Back to the Future” was released. We enjoyed the movie (still do to this day) and I LOVED the song that Huey Lewis & The News wrote for it. Great music!

It don’t take money and it don’t take fame
Don’t need no credit card to ride this train
Tougher than diamonds and stronger than steel
You won’t feel nothin’ till you feel You feel the power, just the power of love
That’s the power, that’s the power of love.

“The power of love is a curious thing.”  I know that the songwriters were going down the road of romantic love, which I happen to think is just grand and I am a big fan.  I hope if those fellas ever read this they’ll grant me grace as I go another direction with the power of love.

It’s even more curious to most when witnessing the power of selfless love outside of the romantic realm.  This love is manifested in more ways than I could list but I’ve seen it in exhausted caregivers, patient teachers, parents of rebellious teenagers, widows, new parents and desperate, hurting spouses.

This love is never formed on unstable emotions. It persists through hurt, anxiety, fear, exhaustion, disappointment, and shattered hopes and dreams. It looks with hope beyond the current moment. It digs deep and finds strength and stamina for the day. It doesn’t always do it quietly, or without struggle, and at times it’s not the least bit graceful.

George MudderIn fact, it resembles a tough mudder more often than a ballet.

At the end of some days, this lover literally stumbles to the finish. This is no sprint, and sometimes she digs deep in order to make the final turn. We’ve all marveled at these “super humans” who just won’t quit.

What if this isn’t some super power reserved for a few.  Perhaps there aren’t people who have some secret endurance, available to an exclusive few. You see, they are not sufficient for the task either.

Mudder Family

I believe it might be that they’ve caught hold of this promise – walking it out in faith in response to His love:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 1Cor 12:9

Weakness isn’t the part that we notice.  We see the power of Christ as it rests on them, made perfect in weak moments and weary minds.  It’s in weakness, when the task is too big, when skills are inadequate and the call is beyond our current capacity that HE enters in. It is a powerful thing to trust God to do what is beyond our resources.

But why? Why press on?  Why be so willing to be hurt, to be disappointed, go the extra mile and give up personal comfort.  There is only one answer.  When everything else has fallen away, when every other motivation to hang in there has faded, we are left with this:

 Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that. Ephesians 5:1-2 MSG

Rest in his grace, but love with extravagant abandon. His love woos. His love is unconditional and doesn’t give up even when we play hard to get. Love like that, by His grace. And then wait for it. The power of love.

Sep16

Grace and the Mouse

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Preface: This isn’t my normal blog post, but this is what’s fresh and real.  I hope it is relevant and even fun for some of you. As always, thanks for reading!

John Mine Train

I just spent four days at Disney World on a park hopping tour with six children. Based on our rough estimate, we’ve done this twenty seven times in the past two years. The faces of the children have varied and we’ve actually had an extra once or twice. In every case, we’ve had no less than three in diapers and the age range has varied from a few weeks to eleven years.

Let’s just say that we don’t land quietly in the Magic Kingdom.

There is a lot of preparation each night. Clothes and shoes are all lined up, ready for the joint effort that will dress the littles as they rise. Diaper bags are packed and lined up near the door. A plan is in place for portable breakfast. Mom is the last one to bed and the first one up each morning. This sort of preparation is key and my offspring has this down to a science.  She’s a super mom!

night before

Lunches and snacks are prepared the night before, as well. We love that the Disney companies allow us to bring food into the parks. Food that travels well, like peanut butter and jelly, solid fruit and cheese sticks are great. Anything that can be eaten on the run is our preference. Of course, the lunchbox menu varies by park, since we have favorites that we love to purchase and eat in each. And lest you think we brown bag it all day, we’ve learned to snack on the run to maintain blood sugar (thereby reducing meltdowns…at least among the children) and sit everyone down for a good meal in a favorite quick serve restaurant mid-afternoon. Since we are a large presence, it’s best to plan away from the peak service times and we’ve found this approach works great when planning our day.

We push three strollers. At most parks we skip the tram and hoof it to the park entrance. Loading the tram with strollers, half a dozen bags and coolers along with six children is not only serious heavy lifting, we fill a lot of seats. If we’ve parked too far away – this typically happens at the Magic Kingdom, Mom and Dad push the strollers to the entrance, loaded with all of the bags, and the grandmas ride the tram with children in tow. Our motto: “Trams are for people, not stuff”.

strollers

The next stop that requires stamina and some serious skills is bag check. This is not an exercise for the weak or timid. All of those diaper bags and lunch bags, as well as any personal items like fanny packs or purses have to be checked by the Disney security staff. It’s a contest of efficiency and speed and one of the first opportunities of the day to show kindness to the park staff. It’s also the first opportunity for a child to get separated, so we typically assign one adult to corral any “loose” children.

While we are on the topic of getting lost, we always have the conversation with the children about what to do if they get separated from the crew. “Look for a cast member – they will be wearing a name tag.” And when we enter the park, we immediately point out cast members and draw attention to said name tag. I would love to tell you that we’ve never actually lost a child, but we have one little boy who notices everything and sometimes stops to investigate. Let’s just say that we can vouch for the efficiency of Disney’s parent location procedures.

In addition to the age variation, we have four boys and two girls. Princesses are high on the list for one sister, and to their credit, the older brothers have stood in long lines with her. When Anna and Elsa debuted it was a family affair. We couldn’t wait to meet them and everyone hung in there in spite of a chilly rain and long line. However, we’ve learned that at times it’s efficient for our crew to divide and conquer. That said, we make sure to frequently regroup and have lots of shared experiences.

ForcePush

He has waited for so long for this day – the force push!!!!

botherscousinsjedi proncessBruce

There are plenty of blogs that are dedicated to helping you get the most from your visit to Disney World, so I won’t try to do that. This post is about assuring you that you can do it with lots of littles. My recommendation?

Take a least one grandma (two is even better). In the afternoon, help Grandma find an out of the way spot for the littles to nap in their strollers. This is the time for her to put her feet up, sip on an iced coffee and celebrate the joy of introducing a new generation to the magic of Walt Disney.

Grandmaand babies

On this trip we logged in excess of 20,000 steps on Magic Kingdom days and nearly as many at other parks. I must be honest, it’s not all fun and games. The days can be long, and it’s a very different day with infants in tow. Although we appreciate baby care centers, they are never nearby when you need them. Take a thermos of hot water if you’ll need to make formula on the fly. Hot water is not easy to come by in the parks.

sleep jsleep E

In Central Florida it’s hot this time of year, and afternoon showers are typical. Make sure you have protection from the rain, not only for yourselves but also for those strollers. If you don’t have a stroller cover, just make do with a clear parka. Buy them BEFORE you go to the parks – your wallet will thank you! You are already carrying all of that other stuff in…what’s a few rain parkas?

If you have to exit the park near closing, be prepared for crowded monorails and melt downs…possibly by the children. It happens, friends. I will say that making sure everyone has recently had a high protein snack is a good plan – and may reduce the meltdown potential. But it’s not a long ride, and then all of those good people who were judging you will have something to discuss when you go your separate ways (insert sarcastic smiley here!). And most likely, your preschooler will magically feel better and the ride home will be much more pleasant. Grace in these moments is harder to extend but I find myself in need of it as well.

I love experiencing the parks with children. I’ve found that sharing the wonder and joy through their eyes is magical. On a recent visit, as we drove onto property via Western Way, my three year old grandson spotted the welcome sign that features Mickey, Minnie and Donald. He said “Home.” Yes, little buddy, I agree. It’s always good to come home.

mine train

Sep7

When the What-ifs Tempt Us to Miss All that Was

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jj umbrella

It’s Wednesday. Smack in the middle of the week and middle of the morning. A time when business is in full swing, classrooms are filled with learners and the gym is packed with stay at home moms. Retirees are just leaving the local diner after sharing coffee with friends. And no one goes to funerals any more. Yet at 9:30, as we drove along the tree canopied street into the little town of Windermere, the First Baptist church came into view and the parking area already was filling up.

You’ve heard it said: Moms and dads shouldn’t have to bury their children. And yet today, dear friends would share their grief publicly so that others might enter in alongside them. We stepped from the humid sunshine into the cool relief of the sanctuary and took a seat. Light streamed from high stained-glass windows and a constant stream of people filled every seat in that sanctuary. I surveyed the room as the family entered and the service began and realized that this group of people, gathered to remember his life, were a portrait of how JJ lived and why. Among the nearly four hundred were teachers, administrators, classmates, and coaches. Entire families filled pews. There were businessmen, retirees, and soccer moms. There was diversity, not only in age and occupation, but in race. These were JJ’s people and their lives were on hold to honor his.

chainsSongs of praise filled the room. Words about God’s amazing grace.

I was positioned, though unintentionally, such that I could see my friend there on the front row. A woman who loses her husband is a widow. What word in our language is there to apply to a woman who loses her child? I know of none, but in that moment, I saw the grace of God and as this woman comforted her daughter and listened intently to the words of wisdom and love from the Bible, the only hope we have when our world has just crashed in on us. And I realized … she will always be “mother”.

After a courageous grandfather shared his memories, the pastor spoke. Early in his message, he said this (paraphrased): “In times like these, we are tempted to go to ‘What ifs?’ We want to look ahead at all that will be never be, and we miss the obvious opportunity to share and celebrate the life that was lived.”

During the days between the accident that took JJ’s life and the funeral, I wanted to know him better. My knowledge of JJ was mostly second hand. My husband loved and mentored him in high school and beyond. They were buddies, but I didn’t know him well. I was in the audience when he played the role of a woman in a scandalous high school performance of “The Importance of Being Earnest”. I witnessed his team spirit at Foundation Academy football games, where he was known for doing whatever was necessary to get the fans on their feet. I chuckled at his sense of humor – there are some hilarious videos on You Tube. I stalked his Facebook page and got up to speed on recent events, where his growing talents were evident. I even found his voter registration online, and was not at all surprised to see that he listed his race as “multi”. JJ loved people, and he embraced and championed diversity.

JJ has finished his race. He was a world changer and I’m tempted to go to the “what ifs” — we will never understand why JJ lived a short life, just shy of twenty-two years. Short life, long impact — that’s what that preacher man said from the pulpit that hot August morning. And we have assurance that he is more alive than ever in the presence of Jesus. Finally, his questions are answered and his intellect and knowledge are in perfect harmony with his Lord. JJ, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I hope so. You had more impact on my life in dying than most will in long living. I’m going to make a promise to you, young man: I’m gonna keep it classy down here and make sure that I treat people the way you did. I love you, man!

JJ