Tag Archives: family

Oct5

For the Love of Jen Hatmaker

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FortheLoveCoverFor the love….the whole world seems to have gone Jen Hatmaker crazy and for good reason. If you’ve not read anything else by her (for the love, why not???) you must get your hands on a copy of her latest book, For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards. I would demand that you not put it down until you’ve finished, but this is a fact…you won’t want to.

There was a song back in the early ‘80s called “I Was Country When Country Wasn’t Cool”. Catchy tune and one that I am reminded of now. You see, I discovered Jen Hatmaker before it was cool to know her. Several years ago hubby and I were hosting a bunch of newly married couples in our home on Sunday evenings. After we spent several weeks talking marriage we really wanted to challenge the group. I went searching around the internet for something that might do. I discovered a YouTube video for a book study and there she was, in her white peasant blouse and signature long earrings, talking about giving up her prized cowboy boots and walking out of church barefoot in the freezing cold. That was the beginning of my obsession friendship with Jen, and I was all “We HAVE to do this”! And because my husband doesn’t really like to search the web for anything other than stuff to buy on Ebay trusts my discernment, we did the study and it challenged our hearts and we had many wonderful evenings of sharing how a barefoot church might look. That study was Interrupted: When Jesus Wrecks Your Comfortable Christianity. They’ve recently released a new, updated version but I can’t imagine how it could be improved. Life. Changer.

Jen H Books

Notice the dog-eared cover. I’ve read it more than once and I’ve loaned it out several times. This is one you will want to have in paperback – no E-book!

From there I was hooked. I went on Amazon and bought a copy of everything she had written to date. Next life changer from her heart to mine was The Modern Girls Guide to Bible Study. It was as if the woman had been riding in my car, listening as I talked to myself (and sometimes even to Jesus) about how frustrated I was with my inability to read and understand the Bible. I was over studies written by authors with contrived questions that would lead me to the same conclusions as them and for the first time in my adult life I wasn’t teaching a Bible class so I had no structured guide to exploring the Scriptures. I wanted the Word to speak to my heart. I decided to adopt her approach of reading the Bible a new way so that the words of LIFE would become my life.

That was four years ago. I’ve filled a couple of journals, and better yet, I’ve got my tribe of young moms coming with me on this journey through Scripture. I can honestly say that through this approach I’ve come to love the word of God. I spent over forty years following Christ, but never really mastering getting into the Bible and consistently hearing from Him. Sad, and a little embarrassing to admit, but true. If you are in the place that I found myself, earnestly desiring to hear from God, I recommend you read this one. I went from loving and respecting the book that’s called the Bible to loving the very words of God within that book.

Out of the Spin Cycle CoverJen, if you ever read this, can I just say thank you for that devo you did for moms called Out of the Spin Cycle: Devotions to Lighten Your Mother Load? Our little Bible study group goes all “summer book club” in June and we read that together a couple of years ago. We laughed and cried and agreed that every new mom should get this book at her baby shower…and then reconsidered and decided that might be premature. There is so much honesty it just might scare her! This is one of those that you deliver to that mom who is in the midst of the struggle, thinking she is the only one:

“Motherhood triggers something that went dormant about the time we left middle school. We’re seeded with this desire to be thought well of, to be admired, to be affirmed in our hard work as moms. We tend to report our babies sleeping longer than they do, our discipline as working more often that it does, and our systems as creating some efficient home that doesn’t exist. We are masters at propping up our lives, spinning a thread of truth into an elaborate tapestry of grandeur–when in fact, during young motherhood most of us live in what my girlfriend Loren calls a “poop storm”.”[i]

Read it, then gift it to a mom friend who is overwhelmed…and be thankful for the honesty (she confesses the time she told her son, who had just opened a sassy mouth, to grab a shovel and start digging his own grave), the humor and the truth within the pages. In these forty devotions, she shares stories from her journey of mothering along with thought-provoking questions and honest, practical steps out of the spin cycle. If I had read this back in the seventies, I would have been a better mom and friend to other moms, I’m sure of it. Of course, Jen was a baby when I was raising children, but you know what I mean…

And back to where we started…For the Love. Jen covers it all in this one, from fashion and family to recipes and the church. I love my church, but all of my life I’ve struggled to know where I fit. Jen’s affirmation of women and the kingdom is spot on:

“God is unveiling women around the world. He always has and continues to work through women and girls, who are half of His church. They are, like men and boys, His image bearers. They are also, like men and boys, gifted, empowered, smart, and anointed.”[ii]

And this…this has much to do with why I’m now posting a blog. Every. Week.

“Say yes to that thing. Work with a mentor. Stop minimizing what you are good at and throw yourself into it with no apologies. Do you know who will do this for you? No one. You are it. Don’t bury that talent, because the only thing fear yields is one dormant gift in a shallow grave. How many trot out that tired cliché—“I’m waiting for God to open a door”—and He is all, “I love you, but get going, pumpkin, because usually chasing the dream in your heart looks surprisingly like work. Don’t just stand there, bust a move.” (God often sounds like Young MC.) You are good at something for a reason. God designed you this way, on purpose.”[iii]

Are you tired of trying to live a balanced life? What IS that supposed to look like, anyway?

“Balance. It’s like a unicorn; we’ve heard about it, everyone talks about it and makes airbrushed T-shirts celebrating it, it seems super rad, but we haven’t actually seen one. I’m beginning to think it isn’t a thing.

Here is part of the problem, girls; we’ve been sold a bill of goods. Back in the day, women didn’t run themselves ragged trying to achieve some impressively developed life in eight different categories.”[iv]

Yes, Jen, a thousand times yes. So, trust me on this. You have to read it. If I cited every quote that spoke to me I’d have to pay her royalties and besides, the book has a great cover.  Just buy it and you can thank me later.

When I got to the end of For the Love, I saw that list of the 500 launch team members and I grieved. You see, 500 people were chosen to form a launch team for this book, seeking authentic endorsements from real people. I so wanted to be in that number, rather than the #4500 (the rest of the applicants who were not selected) where I landed. But grace is a beautiful thing, and I forgive you and your publishers, Jen, for not selecting me. Now that I have a blog and I’m a writer and everything….maybe next time. Because, for the love, why not?

After all of this, surely you can see that I AM her BFF. If you want to challenge me on that, I’m going to need someone to hold my earrings…..

[i] Out of the Spin Cycle: Devotions to Lighten your Mother Load – Jen Hatmaker

[ii] For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards – Jen Hatmaker

[iii] For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards – Jen Hatmaker

[iv] For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards – Jen Hatmaker

Sep16

Grace and the Mouse

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Preface: This isn’t my normal blog post, but this is what’s fresh and real.  I hope it is relevant and even fun for some of you. As always, thanks for reading!

John Mine Train

I just spent four days at Disney World on a park hopping tour with six children. Based on our rough estimate, we’ve done this twenty seven times in the past two years. The faces of the children have varied and we’ve actually had an extra once or twice. In every case, we’ve had no less than three in diapers and the age range has varied from a few weeks to eleven years.

Let’s just say that we don’t land quietly in the Magic Kingdom.

There is a lot of preparation each night. Clothes and shoes are all lined up, ready for the joint effort that will dress the littles as they rise. Diaper bags are packed and lined up near the door. A plan is in place for portable breakfast. Mom is the last one to bed and the first one up each morning. This sort of preparation is key and my offspring has this down to a science.  She’s a super mom!

night before

Lunches and snacks are prepared the night before, as well. We love that the Disney companies allow us to bring food into the parks. Food that travels well, like peanut butter and jelly, solid fruit and cheese sticks are great. Anything that can be eaten on the run is our preference. Of course, the lunchbox menu varies by park, since we have favorites that we love to purchase and eat in each. And lest you think we brown bag it all day, we’ve learned to snack on the run to maintain blood sugar (thereby reducing meltdowns…at least among the children) and sit everyone down for a good meal in a favorite quick serve restaurant mid-afternoon. Since we are a large presence, it’s best to plan away from the peak service times and we’ve found this approach works great when planning our day.

We push three strollers. At most parks we skip the tram and hoof it to the park entrance. Loading the tram with strollers, half a dozen bags and coolers along with six children is not only serious heavy lifting, we fill a lot of seats. If we’ve parked too far away – this typically happens at the Magic Kingdom, Mom and Dad push the strollers to the entrance, loaded with all of the bags, and the grandmas ride the tram with children in tow. Our motto: “Trams are for people, not stuff”.

strollers

The next stop that requires stamina and some serious skills is bag check. This is not an exercise for the weak or timid. All of those diaper bags and lunch bags, as well as any personal items like fanny packs or purses have to be checked by the Disney security staff. It’s a contest of efficiency and speed and one of the first opportunities of the day to show kindness to the park staff. It’s also the first opportunity for a child to get separated, so we typically assign one adult to corral any “loose” children.

While we are on the topic of getting lost, we always have the conversation with the children about what to do if they get separated from the crew. “Look for a cast member – they will be wearing a name tag.” And when we enter the park, we immediately point out cast members and draw attention to said name tag. I would love to tell you that we’ve never actually lost a child, but we have one little boy who notices everything and sometimes stops to investigate. Let’s just say that we can vouch for the efficiency of Disney’s parent location procedures.

In addition to the age variation, we have four boys and two girls. Princesses are high on the list for one sister, and to their credit, the older brothers have stood in long lines with her. When Anna and Elsa debuted it was a family affair. We couldn’t wait to meet them and everyone hung in there in spite of a chilly rain and long line. However, we’ve learned that at times it’s efficient for our crew to divide and conquer. That said, we make sure to frequently regroup and have lots of shared experiences.

ForcePush

He has waited for so long for this day – the force push!!!!

botherscousinsjedi proncessBruce

There are plenty of blogs that are dedicated to helping you get the most from your visit to Disney World, so I won’t try to do that. This post is about assuring you that you can do it with lots of littles. My recommendation?

Take a least one grandma (two is even better). In the afternoon, help Grandma find an out of the way spot for the littles to nap in their strollers. This is the time for her to put her feet up, sip on an iced coffee and celebrate the joy of introducing a new generation to the magic of Walt Disney.

Grandmaand babies

On this trip we logged in excess of 20,000 steps on Magic Kingdom days and nearly as many at other parks. I must be honest, it’s not all fun and games. The days can be long, and it’s a very different day with infants in tow. Although we appreciate baby care centers, they are never nearby when you need them. Take a thermos of hot water if you’ll need to make formula on the fly. Hot water is not easy to come by in the parks.

sleep jsleep E

In Central Florida it’s hot this time of year, and afternoon showers are typical. Make sure you have protection from the rain, not only for yourselves but also for those strollers. If you don’t have a stroller cover, just make do with a clear parka. Buy them BEFORE you go to the parks – your wallet will thank you! You are already carrying all of that other stuff in…what’s a few rain parkas?

If you have to exit the park near closing, be prepared for crowded monorails and melt downs…possibly by the children. It happens, friends. I will say that making sure everyone has recently had a high protein snack is a good plan – and may reduce the meltdown potential. But it’s not a long ride, and then all of those good people who were judging you will have something to discuss when you go your separate ways (insert sarcastic smiley here!). And most likely, your preschooler will magically feel better and the ride home will be much more pleasant. Grace in these moments is harder to extend but I find myself in need of it as well.

I love experiencing the parks with children. I’ve found that sharing the wonder and joy through their eyes is magical. On a recent visit, as we drove onto property via Western Way, my three year old grandson spotted the welcome sign that features Mickey, Minnie and Donald. He said “Home.” Yes, little buddy, I agree. It’s always good to come home.

mine train

Aug11

Children at Play

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Last week I viewed a video on Facebook that prompted many to express concern and even sadness over the difference in what three generations said they did for fun as a child. The grandparents were from my generation, and I have to admit that sexagenarians (way to make older people sound edgy!) tend to look backward through rose-colored glasses. They spoke of picking blueberries and gardening, even encountering a bear while out adventuring. Even the middle generation, now adults the age of my children, recalled gathering friends to play games or build forts.

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My brothers and I in front of our home.

I thought about how I might answer and recalled my childhood. One of our many pastimes was joining other neighborhood kids on the playground at our school, right down the street. At the ripe old age of ten, we rode bikes a mile to the shopping center, or found a vacant house with a steep drive and dared each other to speed into the street from the carport. My knees stayed bloody and by the grace of God I avoided a head injury. We played kickball in our front yard until there was no grass between the base lines and we drank water from the hose on the side of the house.

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The four oldest – I’m on the right on Jim’s shouders.

We were mostly unsupervised and once my sister fell from the high slide at the school playground and broke her arm (my parents paid for her medical care…they didn’t consult a personal injury attorney, but that’s a subject for another day). We were barefoot, dirty, and dehydrated most of the summer and every one of us had “creeping eruption” at some point. I’m convinced that my dermatologist is buying a yacht with the money I’m spending with him for skin cancer treatment. Our home wasn’t air conditioned so we spent lots of time outside under trees, seeking shade in the hottest part of the day. Daddy worked nights so we were pretty much banned from the house unless it was dark or there was a thunderstorm. We played outside. ALL.THE.TIME. It was good for us and we had lots of fun. So, ask me now and I’ll recount those adventures as if they were magical.

But if you had asked me that question then?

When I was growing up there were three channels on our black and white television – the only electronic distraction around. Weekday children’s programming was limited to Captain Kangaroo and Romper Room. On Saturday mornings there were cartoons and on Sunday nights we looked forward to the Wonderful World of Disney. There was one television for the family of eight, so we gathered around it and had to agree on the program. I spent lots of Saturday afternoons watching science fiction, thanks to my older brothers. Peering through the cracks in my fingers, my hands covered my face in fear throughout the half hour programs – I will never forget “pod people”! Fifty years later I can tell you my mother loved to watch the Red Skelton Show on Tuesday night. I’m pretty sure that if you had asked me then “What is your favorite thing to do?” I would have answered “Watch TV.” No question or doubt in my mind.

Can I make a confession? I had an appointment with a new doctor recently and the nurse asked me about hobbies and interests. Do you know what my first thoughts were? Please don’t make me write it down for the world to see! I spend entirely too much time using electronic devices….texting, watching you tube videos, checking Facebook and binge watching Netflix. I’m working on that because I’ve realized it’s a distraction and a time thief. When I was a child, after the eleven o’clock news the stations signed off and there was no television overnight. Everything shut down and there was a sabbatical of sorts. It got quiet. I need that pause and so do our children. However….

I’m not so worried about how my grandchildren might answer that question – I’m pretty sure I know what they would say. But the truth is, I’ve been paying attention to them and no matter how they answer the question, I know the real answer. They are happiest when they are playing. Yes, they have tablets and when the Florida summer heat makes outdoor play unbearable or the doctor is running way behind and patience is running out, Mom hands them over.  And I think we all agree that there is already too much “mom guilt” so let’s just give each other some grace about that.  Each family must decide for itself how much screen time is appropriate without external judges weighing in.   What I know for sure is that they love to play, especially outside. I’m confident that fifty years from now my grandchildren will tell stories of water slides and trampolines, swimming pools and scavenger hunts. I hope that I am part of the stories that are being written on their hearts through the wonder of play.

Mom, send them outside.  Better yet…go outside with them and enjoy the magic of play, if only for a bit.

Phoebe and George go walking (2)

And at the end of the day, your feet should be dirty, your hair messy and your eyes sparking. ~ Shanti

TrampoulinewithFocus

“The most memorable days usually end with the dirtiest clothes.” – Unknown

Swim

“I hope my children look back on today and see a mother who had time to play. There will be years for cleaning and cooking, for children grow up while we’re not looking.” – Unknown

Jul28

Fostering Generosity

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Every child deserves a family.

Every child deserves a family.

Until two years ago, I didn’t have any experience with foster care. Although we had acquaintances who were foster parents, I  knew very little of their day-to-day lives. That changed dramatically when our daughter and son-in-law opened their hearts and home to foster. A text announced the arrival of their first placement, a newborn. I had so many questions about him. I wanted to know how much he weighed, whether he was healthy and if he needed anything. He stayed with them less than forty-eight hours – thankfully his mama was able to care for him. Since then. I’ve learned that children often arrive with only the clothes on their backs, dirty and in need of health care. The case worker hands the caregivers the child (or children) and a $50 Wal-Mart gift card. If you’ve purchased formula, diapers or other baby supplies you know how far that goes!

Two years and six placements later, I’ve learned a little and realized how much I wish I had known about ways to love on the families around me. I had no idea the extent of sacrifice made by fostering families. It’s been wonderful to see how needs have been met and even anticipated by friends, family and others in the fostering community. In the process I’ve realized that there are so many ways that I can be involved in fostering through support of foster families.

If you know a fostering family personally, don’t be surprised if they are reluctant to ask for or accept help. Don’t let that stop you! If you don’t know of any families but have a desire to support children in foster care, check with your state agency. Florida followers check here:

http://www.myflfamilies.com/service-programs/foster-care/support-fostering

Here are some ways that you can support foster families:

  • Meals – When you know there is a new placement, arrange to take a meal, whether ready to eat or something for the freezer. While you are at it, ask if there are any urgent needs you can meet.
  • Pizza Gift Cards – When a new placement arrives or a doctor visit or court date goes long, it’s great to have this option available for a quick dinner. Delivery is a beautiful thing.
  • Gas cards –Foster parents drive children to parental visits, medical and therapy appointments and court dates and not all mileage is reimbursed.
  • Wal-Mart/Target gift cards – Kids need stuff. ALL. THE. TIME.
  • Diapers – Ask what size and brand they need/prefer.
  • School supplies
  • Treats for foster parents like Starbucks or Chick-Fil-A gift cards
  • Services or skills
    • Photography – Foster children often have gaps in their lives with no photos.
    • Scrapbooking- When a child leaves a foster home they often have nothing to show for the time spent there. A scrapbook may treasured for life.
    • Auto repair
    • Organization – Foster families often get lots of donated goods that need to be sorted and stored.
    • Seamstress – hemming, altering, etc.
  • Offer to do laundry for a day, run errands or take their turn in the carpool
  • Take the family’s biological children on a special outing
  • Scholarship camp, music or dance lessons
  • Provide an overnight type bag for each foster child – personalization a bonus! Foster children often carry their belongings in garbage bags.
  • Offer to drive or ride along to appointments.
  • Volunteer to visit at a set time to read to toddlers or rock a baby. While it would be nice for mom and dad to rest during this time, they will likely be on the phone, advocating for the children for health care or other needs.
  • Give gently used clothing and baby gear (or other age appropriate items) – make sure the clothing is clean, free of stains and that gear is in good condition.  If you wouldn’t want to use it for your newborn, it’s not “good enough” for a foster child.
  • Listen.  Fostering is beautiful yet the system and process is at times ugly; fostering is full of joy and yet heartbreaking; it’s challenging, frustrating, time-consuming and physically and emotionally exhausting and yet it is incredibly rewarding.  As a compassionate listener you can encourage and comfort with your presence and sympathetic, compassionate responses.

While the list is not comprehensive, it’s a great starting point. Perhaps you’ve got some ideas. Please share them in the comments.

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:27 (MSG)