Tag Archives: Emotion

Sep21

Stuffing is for Turkeys and Taxidermy

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Stuffing is for Turkeys and Taxidermy

She leads a launch team that I’m part of and on that day, she delivered some unwelcome news; many people in the group would not receive a physical advance copy of the book.

I made the cut, so I was reading the complaints and expressions of disappointment with little empathy.

I sent a text to the leader, hoping to offer a word of encouragement, assuming the comments were discouraging her yet impressed by the way she was extending grace to the “complainers”.

“You are such a great team leader. You are managing these poor, bitter people well.”

In hindsight, I see my self-righteousness (hypocritical as it was) in that second sentence. She replied within minutes, so kind, but her statement set me back on my heels.

“It’s okay to experience and express disappointment.”

I recalled that I had surveyed that list of paper copies and was very relieved to find my name. On the other hand, there was another list, for one of my favorite authors, and I didn’t “make the cut”. I internally decided I didn’t have time to promote a book that I wouldn’t get to read before launch.

Honestly, I had to acknowledge I was nursing a splinter of bitterness, disappointed that I wasn’t chosen. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve thought about my reaction and her statement frequently.

I’ve discovered something to be true in my judgement of others. Every single time, the thing I’m most critical of in others is my struggle as well. Perhaps that is why the Bible says in Matthew 7:3 “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?” In my experience, their splinter is from the same “wood” as my log.

In this exchange my friend short-circuited my judgement with a simple, yet profound statement of grace – permission to express disappointment. It was one I hadn’t even allowed myself.

Expression of emotions is healthy. In fact, the best way to diffuse a powerful emotion is to express it. In my culture (family, work, church) there is a lot of freedom to express positive emotion, but we often haven’t known what to do with negative ones.

Just this morning, I read from Philippians 4 where we are admonished and encouraged to focus our minds on true things (among others) so that we can walk with God in peace. Does that seem like a contradiction to expressing negative feelings? Stay with me for another minute or two, friend.

In this case, I was disappointed that I would not receive a physical copy of Stasi Eldredge’s new book. She’s my all-time favorite non-fiction author and her book Captivating changed my life more than any book other than the Bible. My disappointment was a reasonable and healthy emotional response.

After admitting and expressing my disappointment, I moved on to embrace the truth:

  • I have the resources to buy the book, or my library will have the book and I can request it online for delivery to my door (we live in amazing times, ya’ll!).
  • Serving on launch teams gives me opportunities to interact with amazing authors and book lovers while we share new books with our communities.

And just like that…I’m flooded with gratitude and yes, peace. Peace comes with the right perspective, but we only get there by appropriately expressing honest emotions. I’m so thankful for the patient and smart people around me, who continue to extend grace as I learn and grow in the marvelous grace of God.

By his grace alone,

lorraine

Aug2

When Love Can’t Show Up

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“It is a long way off, sir”
“From what Jane?”
“From England and from Thornfield: and ___”
“Well?”
“From you, sir”
― Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

Road with clouds

It’s been one of those weeks.  One of those months, really.  People I love are in the trenches and I’m far away.  They are dealing with the kind of news that makes you sit straight up from the shock of it and then the heaviness of it threatens to bring your shoulders all the way down to your knees.  They are strong people, “my” people.  They aren’t new to the arena – not some rookie gladiators facing giants for the first time.  They are people of faith.  They trust God.  Their shoulders are squared and their eyes are on the one who gives them hope. They’ve seen his faithfulness and they trust him for their future.  They are hanging on to every word that comes from the Father.  They have placed their hope in him.  I’m amazed and inspired by their faith.  So I’ve lifted my face toward heaven and will believe with them.

But I want to hold their hands and sit quietly with them when they have to wait.  Love cooks and runs errands and brings Starbucks to the hospital, darn it!  It takes care of laundry and littles.  It is PRESENT.  Isn’t it?

Yes. And no.  Distance separates us physically.  Too many miles mean there can be no hospital visits.  After a much melted chocolate bar, I’m certain that my friend almost three thousand miles away prefers that I not send a casserole.

So, what do we do with that?  Struggling with lots of emotions, I had to get honest and name them.  The first one that popped up?  Jealousy. Jealousy bubbles up when I think someone else might be doing what I could do better (see what I did there?).  It rears its very ugly head when I begin to fear that my position will be usurped.  Perhaps the person who is present will become nearer and dearer to their heart than me.  Insecurity shows up for this party, ‘cause he and jealousy are close companions.  I had to honestly deal with that in light of this:

  • Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 1 Corinthians 13:4
  • Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

Motive check! When my heart longs for the people I love to have every need met and I turn from my own desires, I can rest knowing that God is going to provide and that his plan for them is good.

Fear is real, friends. Allowed to run amuck, my thoughts will go to all sorts of scenarios that never end well. So far from the battle, I begin to worry and fret. This reminds me that every thought matters:

  • Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies. Philippians 4:6-9 (MSG)

And finally, I had to deal with this. I’m sad.  It’s a profound sadness because I can’t connect the way that my heart longs to. I struggled with admitting this because after all…THIS.IS.NOT.ABOUT.ME.  Others are facing serious illness and loss and I have no right to feel sad that I can’t be there.  And then the Spirit of God reminded me of this:

  • Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” – John 11:35-36

I know that I have entered into the emotions of my people. And that, my friends, is holy ground.  You might want to remove your shoes and join me there.